i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
