Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
high people should be assigned attendants
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
