Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
