Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
