man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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