3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
