Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
