I think i peed on brittanys purse
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You took a bar mat shot.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
