I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
