my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
