he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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