Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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