that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
