Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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