He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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