No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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