those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
