You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
