Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
