that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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