Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
