Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
