she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
