my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
