well you can't waste a boner
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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