i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
