im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
