That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
