i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
