singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
