Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
