I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
