you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
