dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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