If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
