Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
