"it" just moved
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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