And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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