wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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