I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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