He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
