oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
