Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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