1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
