Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
