i need an iv and a liver transplant
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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