you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
