No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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