I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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