Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
