so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They should really pass out barf bags in church
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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