life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
